The dramatic set piece known as ‘Ode to My Chai Tea Latte That Girded My Loins For Battle,’ has been pre-empted due to the intolerable lack of media coverage and benjamins for the auteur and creative differences with the composer of the film’s score. ‘Ode to My Chai Tea Latte That Girded My Loins for Battle,’ set against the glorious backdrop of 1990s suburbia and starring Scott Baio, Dr. Ruth and Roseanne Barr’s butt double, was set to return to prominence that greatest of Shakespearean Actors: Tinkerbell, the Taco Bell chihuahua. When the words ‘Yo Quiero Taco Bell ‘ could not be set to the tune of ‘Oh Savannah,’ composer Rockwell walked away from the picture, citing Tinkerbell’s inability to sing in pitch for the song. Insiders have claimed that it was really Tinkerbell’s Scientology beliefs that drove Rockwell away, since even Scientologists fail to believe that Rockwell possessed any talent after screening the music video for ‘Somebody’s Watching Me.’The publicist responsible for failing to promote this high-concept period piece has been sacked. We now return you to the regular, lowbrow reading of Mindless Pursuits.

The world will never know what it missed out on….