Please note: none of these are mine. They came from Pun of the Day, which I dearly love and encourage you to check out!

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
• There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass’.
• He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
• There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.